It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
