My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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