The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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