real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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