I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
