all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
