So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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