We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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