I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
