hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
