I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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