I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
