Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
