This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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