i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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