so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
