Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
