I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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