I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize