with your own penis?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my liver is dry heaving
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
