I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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