In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
