im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
