Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
