You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
