There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
