Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
