my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
