theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
