Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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