Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
