my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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