I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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