do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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