fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
