I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
