We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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