I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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