it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
