she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
