Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize