i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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