I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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