You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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