Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
