She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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