Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
