For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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