Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize