so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
