hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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