absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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