do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think your dad took our porno
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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