the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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