So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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