Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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