i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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