i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
