There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
