I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize