your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
