This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize