Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
