Who did Billy Mays play for?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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