eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
