You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
