New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
