I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize