Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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