went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
