I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
