I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
