i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
