I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
