WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
