i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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