Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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