So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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