Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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