i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
