Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
