There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
