Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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