You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
