I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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