He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
