Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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