You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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