I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
